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Emotional Honesty and Kindness are not Mutually Exclusive


Sometimes we can feel that being honest amounts to being unkind and hurting others feelings. Emotional honesty is not about casting judgement or being critical of another but it is about being honest about the impact that something is having on you, in other words, giving someone the 'gift' of sharing your own experience of the situation. Saying to someone 'You did this' or 'You are that' can be hurtful, blaming and critical and usually ends up with the other person becoming defensive, closing off from us or attacking us back.

However, if we own our own experience of things and express it in an emotionally honest way, such as 'I felt hurt when you said this' or 'I felt a bit disrespected when you did that', then generally speaking we draw people a lot closer to us. By 'owning' our own feelings and not trying to 'dump' responsibility for the way we feel on someone else, they can listen to and hear our hearts better, and most people if they genuinely care about us, don' t want to lose our respect, approval and love. This can lead to a deepening and strengthening of our relationships.

Think about one situation or friendship or relationship and consider how you can be more emotionally honest with them. And remember, its never too late to return to something that has happened and be honest about your own ways that you may have caused hurt to someone.